Can a Fallen Self Help Itself??

I was visited by someone new on my blog today, which led me back to her blog (http://notjustlaura.blogspot.com) and she had an interesting point to make on self help. It reminded me of something I'd written on my testimony blog (http://eirenemaker.blogspot.com/) a couple of years ago, and so I thought I'd transpose it here.......



"The counsellor at the crisis center started me off on a journey of "self help". Now, in looking back, I suspect it only delayed my healing. But that's the grand deception isn't it? That we humans don't need anyone but ourselves to make our lives work? Looking out for No 1 started in the garden, and has morphed into a billion dollar industry that culminates in millions of isolated, unauthentic, hurting, wounded, sinfilled people doing "self help", being their own little gods, working at making their lives manageable, even if it only looks that way to their watchers.





Self help also leads to self indulgence. Reading some psychologist's book explaining why I had so much rage only served to give it an excuse. Following formulas for anger control, or chanting affirmations to gain esteem just touched the surface. I had a picture once, when I was thinking on this very thing years later. It was of an iceburg. I was on top of it, on my hands and knees, scratching at the ice with my nail. I'd managed to gouge out a tiny crevice, completely ignorant as to the immensity of all that lay under the water. That's self help. Only God can empty, break, change, heal, fill the heart, though we humans, who instinctively know that, do everything in our own power to avoid that truth. Just let me do it my way is our mantra. And God lets us.





So began my self help years. I read everything and all there was on "toxic parents", "adult survivors", "dysfunctional family of origin issues", "abandonment syndrome" and "post tramautic stress disorder". I had a label for each of my behaviors, and a neat and tidy, packaged explanation as to why I did what I did, and didn't do what I couldn't, and couldn't do what I wanted, and wouldn't do what I should. When I became "expert" enough...read...able to remember the jargon.... I was even helpful to others, in their own journeys into "growth" and "holistic wellness". I became a "lay" counsellor of sorts, "empowering" other women to "know, forgive and love their inner child". All very schmultzy and all very new age, and none of it very effective. Well, I shouldn't say that....it was somewhat effective in teaching me anger management, and very effective in showing me how to numb out. Because there came a point after all those years of "self help" that I got the sense that I either had to "crap or get off the pot". There is only so much "inner improvement" that one can do before you realize it really isn't working. Sure, I got enlightenment...that explains it....but now what? How to fix it? "



No man - or woman - is an island. So, aside from the fact that we are fallen, and even with a good smattering of self awareness, are still our own best self deceivers, it remains that true healing always and only comes in community. Christ in you sees the hurt or the need or the pain and yes, the sin, in me and has words of life to meet it, or heal it, or transform it, or correct it. Christ in me sees what you can't....let's pretend I've taken the broom handle out of my eye so now I clearly see the piece of lint in your's ...but the piece of lint in your eye is making your eyes water, the mascara is running, you're having a Tammy Faye moment.....too much?.....anyway, you can't get it....Christ in me can pluck it out, gently, lovingly, helpfully. Imagine, we each and all of us, become people who, instead of doing self help, do other help...if we're all doing it, then we get help where we need it most, co-ordinated, and appointed, and orchestrated by our gracious Father who knows what each of us needs. Can't you just hear the music of that wonderfilled orchestra, hitting all the notes just enough, just in time, just right, just like Christ would have done if He were still here.....wait a minute....He is still here....in you and me.

A Compromise of Sorts

So, we're going to Kamloops, then up to Sunpeaks, and then to Lillooet, and then home. A different kind of circle tour. Neither of us have ever been to either Sunpeaks, nor to Lillooet, and I've heard the drive to Lillooet is breathtaking. So, we're going to do some exploring in our own back yard.....and I must admit, BC is a pretty gorgeous back yard.

Supermom put me on to another book.....Irresistable Revolution by Shane Claiborne. I picked it up today, started it this evening, and am half way through it already. It's heart pounding...literally....and I've weeped through several pages. Simultaneously, I'm also reading Jesus, Mean and Wild by Mark Galli. Started that one yesterday and got half way through it as well. It feels like no coincidence I've become enthralled with both books, that readily go hand in hand, while simultaneously reading Matthew's gospel...for the 6th but 1st time....I'm becoming undone, and I welcome it.

Vacations - How Do YOU Decide

Summer feels much weirder then it used to. Now that our "kids" are 21 and 19, with jobs, we just don't do summer vacation the way we used to, and it feels weird to me.

• Back when they were in school we'd head out every summer, a week here, two weeks there, camping in the Shuswap, or Osoyoos. Osoyoos was always our favorite because it was guaranteed to be hot and sunny, and the lake always warm, shallow and safe. That's Osoyoos in the pic. Now though, the kids head to Osoyoos with their friends....mom and dad cramp their style....and it feels weird to me.

This must be one of the harder transitions us parents have to make....from family camping vacations to vacations with just the two of us......which brings up the subject of this post.....if you're a "just the two of us" vacationer, how do you decide where, what, when, and how you're going to spend your time?

The blessing is that with just the two of us, we can afford somewhat more exotic vacations then camping trips to the interior....that's nice....notwithstanding that I really miss those family camping trips....I envision a day when BooBoo and Gruntman are married with kids of their own, and grandma and grandpa get to go camping (occasionally) with them all.....except we'll be trading in the tents for an RV!

But I digress....so now that vacationing options are almost unlimited, I want to take advantage of it...we have a week off coming up soon and I'd love to take the train down to Seattle for a couple of nights, then the ferry from Seattle over to Victoria for a night or two and then the float plane from Victoria back to Langley......a mini circle tour.....while Hottyhubby prefers to head to our usual spot in Osoyoos and chill for the week.....he loves heat and sun and lazing on the beach....while I love sightseeing, museums, and fine dinners out. He says he wants to just chill 'cause he works so hard....and I don't? (oops, did I say that out loud?)

Who'd have thought that figuring out a vacation when you have options other then camping, would be so "conflictual"....if you know what I mean. My thought....do culture and sights around here in the summer, and head somewhere with sun and surf in the fall.....perhaps we oughtta just flip a coin.

She's Back...well sorta

Hi all.....feels like it's been forever since I've posted.

Lots has happened since April - which is the last time I posted...me bad.

May was frightfully busy at the office, but we managed to get away to the Island for a family wedding...very nice. The highlite of that trip...seeing Gruntman all gangsta in a black suit, tie and cool shades....

In June we went to Cabo....that's me on a glass bottom boat going out to see the arch at the joint between the Pacific and the Sea of Cortez...the highlite of that trip was sitting in a sports bar till 4:00 am talking to a gay man about Father's love, and how it's all for him....it was very very cool...and such a priviledge and honour to be able to tell someone how much they are loved by Father and get to watch the tears well up.... we ended up hanging out a few more evenings after that, and I've made a new friend, hopefully for life....and eternal life at that. And as for him being gay, well, all I know is that Father loves him, Jesus died for him and the rest of the details are in Their more than capable hands as well.....

A day after I got back from Cabo I went to Montreal on business for a week....the highlite of that trip was wandering alone on the last night through Old Montreal, listening to jazz music piping out of bar windows, and having the proprietor of a funky little cafe surprise me with my meal because he knew just what I wanted without me telling him....and given he spoke French and I spoke English, he got it right, the meal was perfect....awww the international language of food. Will definitely go back to Montreal again!

Came back home from Montreal and celebrated my 24 th wedding anniversary at my executive assistant's wedding....somehow very cool...may her marriage last as long as mine, and then some, but not be as full with the ups and downs that mine has had....the highlite of that day was getting a caricature drawn of me and Supermom....we both look smashing in bikinies....hubba hubba....

The day after the wedding was Canada's birthday.....the highlite of that day was sitting with Hottyhubby in the car on the side of the road for an hour waiting for the fire works.....I thought 9:30, he thought 10:00, we were both wrong.....next year, someone remind us...the fireworks start at 10:30!!!!

The following weekend played in our church slow pitch league championship tournament.....the highlite of that day was hitting a roper of a line drive into the shortstop's glove and simultaneously with that big let down, heard a pop, felt a tear and came up lame....if I was a horse I think they would have shot me. A partial tear of the calf muscle is enough to get you grounded out of work for a week, and so here I am.......finally with enough time to catch up on my blogging....

Hope all is well with all of you and I'll be better at this blogging thing.....I hope......